What’s wrong with being ordinary? Why does that word carry negative implications? It isn’t negative for me. In fact it is comforting. I am an ordinary human being. Growing up I had a dad who wrote books and won a big prize for doing it. From my earliest days I was taught that he was special and to matter in this world you have to do ‘special’ things. Now how we define ‘special’ is a personal matter, but i lived for many years thinking that it meant getting recognition for being better at stuff than other people. At least the stuff that I had been taught mattered, like writing books and winning prizes.

I was always in the shadow of great expectations Never arriving at a place where I could just settle and be ok.

I am not alone in this. I have talked to many people who grew up thinking they were not enough. And you know, it doesn’t end even when you win some shiny award, because there will always be the next promotion, prize, praise… The expectation that shadow casts is like a monster, endlessly hungry for more proof that you are special. That you are not ordinary.

It means you can never be content. Good moments are overshadowed by worry about the next moment. There is a constant process of analysis. You don’t get more confident. You get more self-critical. It is a loop.

How wonderful to say that I am ordinary, just like everyone else. I don’t need to prove anything. I don’t need a light shining on me to be seen. I don’t need to give myself milestones that keep shifting, because as soon as I get there I’m off to the next one. I can just be.

It doesn’t mean I don’t have goals and desires and dreams. Far from it. That is what it means to be an ordinary human being. All ordinary people lead extraordinary lives because life itself is extraordinary.

And we can cast our own shadows, not live under other people’s.

What a relief!