Yesterday I got really shouted at…
I mean screamed at really. I hadn’t done anything dangerous. But I had done something annoying. It meant the other driver had to reverse and then wait for a couple of minutes.
If I was him I would have been a bit pissed off too
As soon as I registered what I had done I said sorry.
The guy in the car started yelling “you’re in the wrong!”
Which I knew.
The woman with him was silent but scowled in my direction.
I said “I’m sorry.” Then I said it again. “I’m sorry”
He was red in the face and he just kept shouting
I must have said I’m sorry about 12 times
I got louder with each apology. I even used gestures to demonstrate how sorry I was.
He didn’t stop until he had driven off.
I was really shaken afterwards. I had to go for a walk and take deep breaths to still the horrible feeling.
But then I thought…
What had shaken me was not him.
He was angry. he needed to shout. That was about his inner state, not the annoying thing I’d done.
No, what shook me was my response. The more I said sorry the more churned up I was becoming. Like I was begging him to forgive me.
After I had apologised a couple of times it was his problem.
I didn’t need to engage any further.
We can’t control someone else’s behaviour, but we can choose our response.
I leaned into his abuse. Let it enter me. Let myself get jarred.
I am never doing that again.
What do we absorb as our own that we don’t need to?